Alternative lifestyles… How do we decide what is considered “normal” by to Coralie/Raia's page

[Dept of PMM Artists & things]

Alternative lifestyles… How do we decide what is considered “normal”

As life Coaches David and I are often asked “What is normal?” In all our years of training and experience we have concluded that normal is as normal does and that there is no hard and fast rule or interpretation that will fit everyone.

The most generally accepted rule of thumb is that he or she is like everyone else, behaves as most people behave, and stays within current conventions. But there is a   problem with that because now-a-days the idea of what is normal changes from one decade to another.

For many normal is defined as a “deviation from the average.” The phrase “not normal” is often applied in a negative sense because it implies that someone or some situation is improper, sick etc.
Abnormality varies greatly in how pleasant or unpleasant a person reacts to people and events. The Oxford Dictionary defines “normal” as ‘confirming to a standard.’ Another possible definition is that normal is someone who conforms to the predominant behavior in society and shows up in imitative behavior.  Deliberate or inconsistent acceptance of society’s standards can incite fear, rejection, prejudice, humiliation and violence.

The French sociologist Emile Durheim indicated in his Rules of Sociological Method that the most common behavior in society is considered normal. People who do not go along are considered to be violating social norms and often invite sanctions from others in society.
Normality is hard to define and through the diversity within cross-cultural conditioning what seems normal to one group may seem abnormal to another. Normality is often hard to define as was shown in a case study done in 2008 in with students at Woodvale Senior High School. Students in the music program were exposed to a certain kind of abnormality or as it were described at the time by Dr. Summerville, "weirdness".

The aim was to see what adolescents perceived as normal, or "average", and what they thought would be abstract, or as many of the participants described it, "weird". Sarah Nader and Murray Bishop, two of the test subjects were asked to have a "normal conversation" with their peers. However it soon became apparent that the discussions had between close, or even "best", friends was defined as weird by others of whom they were engaging in conversation. The conclusions of the study were that normalness is not an entirely flawed concept, rather it is simply defined as what the majority perceives as   average.
Social norms are based on the behavioral expectations and cues within any given society or group. This sociological term has been defined as “the rules that a group uses to define inappropriate and appropriate values, beliefs, attitudes and behaviors.” These rules may be explicit and implicit. Failure to follow the rules can result in severe punishments, including exclusion from any existing group who viewa themselves as “the excepted norm.” They have also been described as the “customary rules of behavior that coordinate our interactions with others.”

These social norms determine what is deemed to be acceptable dress, speech or behavior and what is deemed acceptable in our social group may be rejected by another. Deference to the social norm can determine whether one will be accepted and popular within a particular group. Ignoring their “rules” can lead to a person feeling unacceptable, unpopular and they can become an outcast. Social norms tend to be tacitly established and maintained through conditioning, body-language and  verbal and non-verbal communication.

From an early age children discover when it is appropriate and inappropriate to say and do certain things, topics to discuss and what clothing is viewed as acceptable in whatever circle they are in. Such knowledge about cultural norms is important. “Image and impression” management has a bearing on whether they are viewed “normal’ by whatever group a person is  and most of this knowledge is derived experientially.

As a society it is clear that everyone at one time or another has seen someone walking down the street that looks, acts or is dressed differently and a judgment call is made that they are not normal. Those who choose alternative lifestyles are considered by some to be ‘abnormal.” When we allow ourselves to slip into that type of “conditioned thinking” what we are actually saying is that they are not like us and we do not understand why. The media pokes fun and makes judgments about people and their lifestyles and as those ideas filter into mass thinking the judgment becomes part of the accepted norms.

For example, one interpretation of normal defines it as, “free from any infection or other form of disease or malformation, or from experimental therapy or manipulation.” Now here is a brain twister for you. With that definition where do we place those who lie, steal, cheat, beat their children and spouses, kill harmless animals for fun and fashion, make racial, gender, cultural and religious slurs? On some level these ways of being fall within  societal standards given that they are allowed to continue whether others agree or not. So even though they are allowed to continue are they positive “norms?”

Whether we like it or not there are positive and negative aspects of normalcy and a lot of it is determined by our mindsets and preconceived notions about “right/wrong/normal/abnormal” thinking and behaving

Whenever we make snide, unfeeling, unthinking remarks it is a feeble attempt to conceal judgments about what is considered normal and what isn’t. Whenever we pass judgments on another it creates emotional distance. There are many people who choose to dictate what is normal and what isn’t...and they do it in very dishonoring and diminishing ways.

In my humble opinion we are all normal and abnormal at times because we are a work in progress on a soul path of discovery. We are here for a reason and season and have been given the right of free will and by exercising that will through the choices we make we learn about the cause and effect of each one. The one thing I know for sure is that we are all part of a greater Oneness and that we are seeking ways to receive love and when we do we learn how to give it back to others.

I choose to believe we are all sparks from a Divine Source and are spiritual beings going through human experiences while we learn how to express more of our light filled essence. We all take different paths and learn to “do what we know.” Some people may take a road to find love that you do not understand or accept. .And????? David and I believe it  is not our place to dictate to others or judge their path and live with a motto to “love more” in all we say and do. Others who also believe love is the answer to all things do the same thing.

In our view anyone who walks to the beat of a different drum have the right to do so. Even those who cause harm to others will, in our opinion eventually find another way as well. Instead of making them wrong or abnormal it seems more appropriate to wish them well, forgive and let them go. Forgiveness liberates the soul and it is the loving thing to do...well from my perspective anyway.