Sensual Touching... by Marjabella La Fey

[Dept of PMM Artists & things]

There is magic in touch, there is comfort, healing, connection, warmth and melting pleasure. We are sexual and sensual beings from the time we are born to the day we die. We need touch, we crave to touch and be touched.
The world of sensual touch offers an endless range of pleasure and possibilities. To understand the possibilities of this form of touch we need to understand the difference between sex and sensuality. Sex is generally a goal-oriented, genital activity. The goal of sex is orgasm. Once that's happened then the game's over and we go on to the next activity.Sensuality is different. A sensual experience includes all that we are, from the top of our head to the soles of our feet and everything in between. Sensuality also includes our hearts, emotions and feelings. This makes sensual massage and touch an intimate experience.

What are the Benefits of Sensual Touching?
There are many scientific studies that show that the act of being touched by another causes direct changes in body chemistry - increasing heart rate, vascular dilation, raising serotonin and even triggering the release of oxytocin and endorphins. People fill this innate human need in many ways - from dancing to football to cuddle parties to just holding hands.

The act of sensual touching, though, adds another dimension to the act of reaching out and making contact. That is because sensual touching requires the full attention of the one touching towards the one touched. This focus is a rare thing in this age of attention-deficit and constant distraction, and it makes it a very powerful experience for both.

How to Touch Sensuously
Some touching can be inadvertently sensuous - the brushing of hair off of your lover's cheek, for example, or the feeling of a gentle hand at the small of your back as you go through a door first. However, to get the full benefit of sensual touching with your lover, it's best to have a plan first.

1.Set boundaries. The whole point of this kind of touching is for both parties to enjoy themselves - and that can't happen if physical comfort boundaries aren't fully understood by both parties. Make sure the person touching knows what parts of the body are ok to explore with his/her hands, and which parts might be overstepping boundaries. Clothing can be a good way to delineate these boundaries, or to allow parts of the body to be touched without an invasive feeling. Being honest and respectful of both where the recipient wants to be touched and what the giver wants to touch is essential.

2.Create a good environment. Remember the whole idea behind sensual touch is focus. That means having distractions like bright lights, television, or overpowering music may take away from the experience. Choose a time and place that is truly relaxing for the person receiving the touch. If that means playing Peter Gabriel really loud, then that's ok - it just needs to be thought about beforehand. There's nothing wrong with stroking your partner's arm while watching Lost, but it doesn't give the same sense of intimacy.

3.Be creative with your touch. One of the most common mistakes that people make when trying to explore sensual touch is to do the exact same stroke over and over again. While it's ok to repeat a touch - or come back to it - going over the same spot can become aggravating, and what started as a soft caress becomes almost abrasive. It also is very easy to let your hands simply do the same motion over and over while your mind wanders - and at that point you are not focusing, your senses somewhere else - and therefore, you have left the realm of the sensual.

4.Try to let go. In order to really enjoy sensual touching, you need to be able to give your mind over to the experience of physical contact, of hands touching body, perhaps of skin meeting skin. There are many things that go into that - pressure, texture, heat, breath, sound - it's a feast for the senses. Worrying about how long it's taking, dinner, your job, or even whether or not you're doing it right are all distractions. Try to just let your bodies
communicate how best to touch each other, and let go of your "monkey brain" for just a little while.

5.Return the favor. Remember that both partners deserve thanks after a time of sensual touching. Not only has the giver made the effort, but the receiver has also put themselves in a beautiful and vulnerable state, trusting that boundaries will be respected and paying attention to how they were being touched. Both of these are gifts that, ideally, should be given back - perhaps not right away, but at some point in the future.

Sensual massage and touch doesn't have an end goal. It doesn't have to go anywhere specific. It's not always heading for orgasm. One of the reasons sexual encounters are not always fulfilling, especially casual sex and one-night stands is that they offer a physical release, a few hours of touching, but no more. It feels good but as soon as it's done we're looking for the next one.

What we're looking for is intimacy, a deeper connection than just a pair of genitals sharing pleasure. This is where the excitement of sensual touch and its many possibilities comes in. It even offers us different possible endings other than sex.