Banned From Pennsic

Filked by Morgan of Osprey

When we pulled into Pennsic for a little R&R
we set out investigating every booth and bar.
We had high expectations of their hospitality,
but found too late they weren’t prepared
for Meridians such as we.

And we’re banned from Pennsic every one
we’re banned from Pennsic just for having a little fun
we had a mighty good time there..just 3 days or 4
but Pennsic doesn’t want us any more!

Our Baroness would yield to none in putting down the brew
She outdrank 7 U.S. Marines and a demolition crew.
Baras Bayan, he didn’t win, but he outdrank almost all,
and now they have the baronial flag on the roof of troll hall.


Morgan loves his cordial and the cordial loves him too
He took some to the Blue Feather Ball and wondered what It’d do.
The autocrat came calling and swore upon his life,
that a gang of blue feathers came into his camp and then made-over his wife.


Lex’s tastes are simple but his methods are complex,
We found him with 5 partners each in a different world of sex.
Security was on the way..we had no second chance,
We got him back to camp in time with the remnants of his pants.


Our stalwart viking Haldan got drunk on something green,
and stumbled to a party where he suffered things obsene.
He came home with no gard and an oddly cheerful heart,
and a painful way of walking with his feet a yard apart.


Camric loves humanity, his private life is quiet,
security had picked him up at the Pleasure Palace Riot.
We found him in the City Jail, broke in and got him free,
But on his neck 5 hickeys and 6 kinds of VD.


A gang of pirates landed and nobody seemed to care,
they came into our party to announce that they were there.
Half our house was busy there, what more is there to say,
then they slowly looked at us and turned and ran away.


Our house is Osprey’s finest, our record is our pride
But when we blaze we tend to leave a trail a mile wide.
we’re sorry 'bout the riots, the wreckage and the fuss
At least we’re sure that Pennsic won’t be quick forgetting us'.

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Replies to This Discussion

It’s the SCA World as You Know It
(sung to the tune of ‘It’s the end of the world as you know it’ by REM)
- filk words by Doireann inghean Alasdair

That’s great, it starts with a big parade
Kings and Queens and heraldry
Stand aside and make a way

Trimaris, Meridies, Ansteorra, Antir,
Calontir, Outlands, Drachenwald, Atenveldt,
Atlantia, Caid, Middle, East, West
The armor starts to clatter with no fear of flight

Iron in the fire and the marshalls have engaged us
In a battle to the death; heavy combat, fight
So much is determined in a hurry, with a flurry
Of a thou- sand swords

Rhiannon of the Isle was hanging out in style
With a plentitude of squires that partied all night
Uh- Oh overflow in the period swimming hole
Save yourself Save yourself Save yourself

The Mongols had a curlitie, built a fire burning bright
Baras and Caemel at the table, Puck is saying, “Screw a Bagel”
Cabana boys, Feasty Boys, Bryce squad making noise
Pretty good fights

It’s the SCA World as you know it
It’s the SCA world as you know it
It’s the SCA World as you know it
Life out of time

Nastycrat, Autocrat, don’t forget the feastcrat
Slice and dice all night
Listen to the fires burn
Ox and Rufus getting, Lex’s clothes are inside out
Ucla’s chasing Camric cause he pantsed his knight

Danse nazi: one pavan, step left step right
Watch your feet
Crush crush, uh oh, this means
Limping through an em pris
Steering clear of cavaliers
A tournament, a tournament, a tournament, a crown

Offered kamikazes, offered penetrators
And I declined

It’s the SCA world as you know it
It’s the SCA world as you know it
It’s the SCA world as you know
Life out of time

It’s the SCA world as you know it I don’t know what time I’m in
It’s the SCA world as you know it I don’t know what time I’m in
It’s the SCA world as you know I don’t know what time I’m in
Life out of time

The other day at a melee
A marshall and a herald fought
Then revelry got underway, “Please Bearkiller”
Rolling Thunder, Nova, Sir Manfred lives in Axemoor
Coronation, Black Axe, Gulf Wars, RUM

Hedonist, Anachronist, SCA

It’s the SCA world as you know it
It’s the SCA world as you know it
It’s the SCA world as you know
Life out of time

It’s the SCA world as you know it I don’t know what time I’m in
It’s the SCA world as you know it I don’t know what time I’m in
It’s the SCA world as you know I don’t know what time I’m in
Life out of time

It’s the SCA world as you know it
It’s the SCA world as you know it
It’s the SCA world as you know
Life out of time

It’s the SCA world as you know it I don’t know what time I’m in
It’s the SCA world as you know it I don’t know what time I’m in
It’s the SCA world as you know I don’t know what time I’m in
Life out of time
Look at me, I’m Royalty
(sung to the tune of ‘Look at Me, I’m Sandra Dee’ from the musical Grease.
- filk words by Doireann inghean Alasdair

Look at me, I’m royalty
Cannot go alone to pee
Crown on my head, till I’m unduly dead
Because I’m royalty

Watch out, how they all make way
As my herald starts to say
“Entering now, the Meridian Crown”
and then I start to say-ay-ay,

“AOA for him, Compostella, and then
well have a good old fashioned knighting!
Keep your tunics on, cause this won’t take long.
Has this hourglass run out yet?”

As for you Atlantian fool,
“Who do you think you’re talking to?”
All of these knights are here waiting for you
Because I’m royalty

Gareth, Gareth, Help me please!
“Keep them 10 feet FAR from me!”
Just keep your cool; revel’s starting real soon
It’s Cool
I’m Royalty
Morgan’s Return

Filked by Morgan of Osprey

It seems like only yesterday,
I was banished out of court.

Exiled from my native land,
I ended up in York.

There wasn’t a soul who knew me there,
A stranger to your shore.

But Pirate luck was with me there,
Then riches came galore.

And now I’m going back again,
to dear Meridies.

My “friends” will meet me on the pier,
with pitchforks, knives, and stakes.

Their faces I’ve almost forgot,
I’ve been so long away.

But the Constable will introduce them all,
and this, to me, he’ll say..

“Shake hands with your Uncle Mikey Maloy”
“Who you swindled his estate.”

“And here’s the girl you left to swing”
“when her period was late.”

“Remember the Riley’s old milk goats,”
“well they are no more..”

“And half the town is convinced right now,”
“that all the little goats are yours.”

“Most of the trees in Meridies,”
“have gotten a disease..”

“and the cats and dogs have given us,”
“a double dose of fleas.”

“We went to war with Axemoor,”
“and it’s rumored to be true,”

“that you sold both Meridian thrones,”
“for 20 gold dubloons.”

“To make amends to the Populace”
“would take a million days”

“You’re as welcome as the Plague today”
“in good Meridies”


Brannigan Flannigan, Milligan Gilligan, Duffey McCuffey, Mallochey Malone

Rafferty Lafferty, Donnelly Connelly, Dooley O’Hooley, Muldooley Mahone

Hardigan Cardigan, Lannahan Flannihan, Fagan O’Hagan, O’Hoolihan Flynn

Shannon Mahannan, Fogarty Hogarty, Kelly O’Kelley, MacGuiness Magin.”
The Night Before Pensic

Based on Poem The Night Before Christmas
Filked by Morgan of Osprey

- ’Twas the night before Pensic, tons of shit still to do,
my garb tote had burst, my armor box too..

- My tunics were set in the living room chair,
while sparkles from sequins danced in the air.

- Now, I, in my boxers wondered in despair,
how all of this crap would make it up there.

- When suddenly, in the house, there arose such a sound
I had to cover my garb to see what was around.

- And Lo, who in front of my eyes could be seen?
.. A short skinny white dude, and OH, what a Queen!

- He wore Elizabethan clothes trimmed all up in fur,
And his hat and gloves were Corinthian Leather, for sure.

- He stood there, leg out, with his hands on his hips,
his face was all pouty and he pouched out his lips.

- He went straight to work with nary a word,
But the sight of this guy was, quite frankly, absurd.

- He wore a great hat, big blue feather and all.
So big, in fact, I thought off his body they’d fall.

- With a twinkle in his eye and a wiggle of his nose,
All the tote pieces shivered, shimmied, then rose.

- All the pieces hovered, twitched, and began to spin,
And I could see that my totes would assemble again.

- And with a clasp of his hand and a thunderous roar,
My beloved totes, whole, fell to the floor.

- I stood there in silence, what could I say..
The Foppish Bitch had saved my day.

- I started to thank him.. he said “don’t make a fuss”,
“besides, that sequin coat... Fabulous.”

- With a turn of his head, he then struck a pose,
and out of my house his body arose.

- But before he passed on and out through the roof,
he said, “Don’t put so much stuff in your totes, you bald goof.”

- And with these parting words, he rose out of sight,
“Yago the Fish Slayer says have a great fight.”
One Week (the story of Sir Robert and his Spear)
- filk words by Doireann inghean Alasdair
- to the tune of One Week by Bare Naked Ladies

It’s been
One week full of good fighting
Melees, battles, and bridges
Among other things
Five days full of reforming
We said, Get back together—come back, Meridies!
Three days into everything
We fought a resurrection and somehow we had lost the king
Yesterday he came to me
And he told me a story ‘bout fighting at Pennsic

Told me how he was advancing
In armor dancing
You’d think you were looking at Charlemagne
Then someone missed and was pissed
And then I think a lot of
Fighters had been killed and
Had gone and come alive again
We thought Lex and Waldi had the king’s side
But they were ringside
Cause they were caught in an amoeba
Both armies took some bad hits
They had to match wits
We tried to hold them or they’d bust through

Gonna make a break and try to take out their entire army flank
While the other half moves up behind their archers
Gonna get a volunteer hero
But Connell runs so very slow
But he’s so dangerous
We’re glad you signed a waiver

I cannot help it if I think you’re funny when you’re dead
Trying hard not to smile when you get mad
I’m the kinda king that laughs when I’m killing you
Can’t understand what I mean
You soon will
I have a tendency to jump on fighters from a tree
I have a history of stealing all their spears

It’s been
One day since he looked at me
Threw his arms in the air and said, You’re crazy!
By then, I had tackled him
I still got the grass stains on both my knees
And in three day I will send to you
The message says it’s not my fault—but here’s a spear for you
Yesterday if you’d beaten me,
There would still be two days of fighting at Pennsic

Shimmying silent, the quiet king slithered
Watching in the woods while the Tuchuk quibbled
Watched as Sir Connell had his helmet on
The Tuchuk’s arm swung
I hope his glove was made of metal
An honorable guy, the king then came up
And tried to make up
But the Tuchuk guy got angry
The diplomatic manner of his speech then—o.k. it wasn’t then
Told him to jump if he felt froggy

Gotta get a better pair of gloves
The kind without the laces on
Just so my hands won’t always
Fling them off to fight with

Gotta get a better stick to use
You know, the kind that will go BOOM
When I hit someone that stands there screaming at me

I cannot help it if I think you’re funny when you’re dead
Trying hard not to smile when you get mad
I’m the kinda king that laughs when I’m killing you
Can’t understand what I mean
You soon will
I have a tendency to jump on fighters from a tree
I have a history of stealing their spears

It’s been one day since you challenged me
But then you
Dropped your arms by your side and said you’re sorry
Since then I have laughed at you
I said, you did exactly what I figured you were going to do
Three days since that forest feud
I still think that you’re to blame but what can I do
On that day, if you’d beaten me,
There would still be two days of fighting at Pennsic…
still be two days of fighting at Pennsic…
still be two days of fighting at Pennsic…
Jump Mother f_____er if you’re feeling froggy…….
Osprey Revel

(Zoot Suit Riot)
Filked by Morgan of Osprey

Who’s that streaking from tree to tree
I missed Thorgrim just narrowly
Coronets and chains and colored belts
What’s your persona...I’m a Celt
Morgan’s come to play and
they can’t run fast enough
they all stare in awe when
we whip out all our stuff

Osprey revel; throw back a flagon of beer
Osprey revel; get another, get you ass in gear
Osprey revel; throw back a flagon of beer
Osprey revel; chug another, get your ass in gear

Gwendolyn’s drinkin’ Kaloua blasts
dry site, huh, kiss my ass
Here comes a crown, now lets all stand
then we can all fall down again
The guys are looking wild
so you take it to the bank
All their cares will go
when you lead them to the skanks


Lex is making it with the babes
Ilya dropped a beer’s a save
Rhiannon’s filkin to beat the band
Jebbi’s doin it with both hands
(Don’t use your imagination)
Ucla’s got the Mongols
Mongoling one and all
Cae is looking Blue
but not as blue as Ucla’s balls


We’re in the Osprey revel
We’re in the Osprey revel
We made a pact with the Devil
Wish we could walk level
Single Shot Knockout
(sung to the tune of ‘Beauty School Dropout’ from the musical Grease)
- filk words by Doireann inghean Alasdair

You know the story well.
The tournament from hell:
Duke Gareth and Baru and also Bryce
Your future’s so unclear now
What’s left of your new spear now
Can’t even block a head shot for you life…

Single shot knockout
Into the losers bracket for you
Single shot knockout
Bryce split your warsheild right in two

Well at least you couldn’t made it up
By getting one good rap in
But when you did, you opened up
And Gareth caved your helm in

If you get through this
It takes a miracle or two
What are you doing?
You’re getting beaten black and blue

If you fight in next year’s tourney
Better call a chirgeon now
Cause you are going to get the crap beat out of you now

Single shot knockout
Hanging around the chirgeon’s tent
Singleshot knockout
Wondering why you ever went
There’s a rhino in the list today
That guy is such a screw up
After you had killed him many times
The bastard split your sportscup

Baby don’t seat it
You can cut out another shield
Baby, that’s Gareth
You might as well lie down and yield
Now your helmet’s cracked, your gorget’s smashed, and-well-
Your gonna die
Wipe off that bloody face and tie one on tonight

Baby don’t blow it
Don’t put my good advice to shame
Everyone knows it
Even Rhiannon would say the same
Now you called the shots but you lost a lot
I hat to see you cry….

Fighting Baru is such a…
Painful way….to die

Single shot knockout….

Don’t give up fighting….

Single shot knockout….

Don’t give up fighting…

Single shot knockout….

Bored on the List Field

Text by Andrew Scarhart and Othar Morganson, with apologies to Ivar Battleskald

Once came a warrior,
Fresh from the bar;
Reeling, before his king he came;
When he had risen, he was still drunk
And these words he slurred unto his king:

I was bored on the list field,
I got smashed at the war
And the booze has been flowing all night;
Though some say my wits will grow rusted and dull,
I will drink like a mad dog tonight.

The king's men were pissed off,
They all drew their swords,
Ready to beat up this rude knight,
But the king wouldn't let them, 'cause he was drunk too
And these words he said unto his men:

You were bored on the list field,
You got smashed at the war
And the booze will be flowing all night;
Though some say your wits will grow rusted and dull,
You must party like mad dogs tonight.

The king's men were rallied,
They all drained their cups;
Calling for more, they soon were drunk;
When off in the distance
They heard their ladies' call
And they sang this song as they did flee:

We were bored on the list field,
We got smashed at the war
And the booze has been flowing all night;
Though some say our wits will grow rusted and dull,
We will drink all the Mad Dog tonight.

All through the night, then,
The king's men did drink;
By dawn, they looked distinctly green;
Though their bodies were on the list field,
Their heads were spinning round
And they groaned this song as they did hurl:

We were bored on the list field,
We got smashed at the war
And the booze (it) kept flowing all night;
Though it's true our wits have grown rusted and dull,
We partied like good knights last night.

Circles  Gwen Zak Moore, probably in mid 1970's.  Tune: Windmills, by Alan Bell

n days gone by, when the world was much younger,
men wondered at Spring, born of winter's cold night;
wondering at the games of the moon and the sunlight.
They saw there the Lady and Lord of all life.

And around and around and around turns the good earth.
All things must change as the seasons go by.
We are the children of the Lord and the Lady
whose mysteries we know, but we never know why.

In all lands the people were tied to the good earth
Plowing and sowing as the seasons declared.
Waiting to reap of the rich golden harvest,
knowing Her laugh in the joys that they shared.


Through Flanders and Wales and the green land of Ireland,
in Kingdoms of England and Scotland and Spain,
Circles grew up all along the wild coastline
and worked for the land with the sun and the rain.


Circles for healing and working the weather,
circles for knowing the moon and the sun,
circles for thanking the Lord and the Lady,
circles for dancing the dance never done.


And we who reach for the stars in the heavens,
turning our eyes from the meadows and groves
still live in the love of the Lord and the Lady.
The greater the circle, the more the love grows.

Do Virgins Taste Better? (Also known as - An Old Cliche Revisited)  Words by: Randy Farran Tune: The Irish Washerwoman

A dragon has come to our village today.
We've asked him to leave, but he won't go away.
Now he's talked to our king and they worked out a deal.
No homes will he burn and no crops will he steal.

Now there is but one catch, we dislike it a bunch.
Twice a year he invites him a virgin to lunch.
Well, we've no other choice, so the deal we'll respect.
But we can't help but wonder and pause to reflect.

Do virgins taste better than those who are not?
Are they salty, or sweeter, more juicy or what?
Do you savor them slowly? Gulp them down on the spot?
Do virgins taste better than those who are not?

Now we'd like to be shed you, and many have tried.
But no one can get through your thick scaly hide.
We hope that some day, some brave knight will come by.
'Cause we can't wait around 'til you're too fat to fly.

Now you have such good taste in your women for sure,
They always are pretty, they always are pure.
But your notion of dining, it makes us all flinch,
For your favorite entree is barbecued wench.


Now we've found a solution, it works out so neat,
If you insist on nothing but virgins to eat.
No more will our number ever grow small,
We'll simply make sure there's no virgins at all!


Dragons so rarely take such slander lying down, and Claire Stephens has been among the dragons and reports this retort.

Dream Warrior Rathflaed DuNoir The Black Bard of Meridies mka Stephen R Melvin

capo 2

    C                    Am                      F                          G
He gets up every morning and he goes to work each day,
    C                              Am            F                           G
He sees his friends and family, he works and then he plays,
C                  Am                                F                   G
But they never get to see the one he keeps so deep inside,
   C                      Am                   F                         G
The one he really wants to be he feels that he must hide.

He works in an assembly line in a downtown factory,
He does his job the best he can, but it's not where he wants to be,
Outside the gate, his charger waits! but only he can see,
So it's back to the grind for another day, oh when will he be free?


              C      Am             F                      G
He's a dream warrior, he rides across the lands.
            C      Am                      F               G
He's a dream warrior, there's magic in his hands,
        C                      Am                      F                             G
And yet he fears the people near, he's afraid that they won't see
           C               Am                             F                     G      C
So he hides away within himself, with his pride, and his chivalry

Now the day is done and it's home from work, to see his kids and wife.
To him she is a princess, she's led a sheltered life.
In a tower of blue he pays his dues, his lady captured waits,
Then he turns into his driveway past the mailbox and the gate.

He tells his kids a bedtime tale, his daughter and his son,
Of wizards and knights, and mighty kings, and battles fought and won,
Then it's off to sleep, and he dreams so deep, as in his bed he lays,
So he fights tonight! because he knows that tomorrow, is a busy day.


His honor still comes first to him but it gets harder every day,
To see the ones around him breaking promises they've made.
So he keeps his own, and like a stone, in him they'll never know,
The way he really lives his life, the way he'll never show.

Because he'll never quit the cause, he'll never give up his dreams,
And he'll live his life all by himself, or so to him it seems,
Because they might think he's crazy and they might think it's just a whim,
So he wonders if he'll ever meet someone who's just like him.


SRM 10-91


Estrella VIII
words by Rathflaed DuNoir
The Black Bard of Meridies
mka: Stephen R. Melvin
tune: Pat of Mullingar


         C                 G                                  G
You may talk and sing and boast about your Pennsic Wars and Floods,
                                   C          G           C
And how the fields of Atenveldt at wars are filled with blood,
                        G           C               G
But I'll sing to you a story of a destiny filled date,
                                            C         G    C
How we took the field against the winds at last Estrella VIII.


     C                                      G
The winds and gales they blew and kept on coming,
     C                                    G
The tents they flew and people started running,
     F                 C                G                 C
And when we got back to our camp, we found it was too late,
                                       G              C
For the winds had taken everything at last Estrella VIII.

We came with tents and armored knights, we came with all we could;
We came with spirit and with sword, we came with flesh and blood,
We came with everything we might, the kitchen sink we brought,
But the winds were just a little bit stronger than we thought.


Now the last thing that I noticed, that gave to me great hope,
And inspired all the people round, who'd reached the end of rope,
Was a view of such tremendous strength, so glorious and bright,
Aye the stronghold was a flyin' on a ninety-nine foot kite!





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Patchwork Merchant Mercenaries had its humble beginnings as an idea of a few artisans and craftsmen who enjoy performing with live steel fighting. As well as a patchwork quilt tent canvas. Most had prior military experience hence the name.


Patchwork Merchant Mercenaries.


Vendertainers that brought many things to a show and are know for helping out where ever they can.

As well as being a place where the older hand made items could be found made by them and enjoyed by all.

We expanded over the years to become well known at what we do. Now we represent over 100 artisans and craftsman that are well known in their venues and some just starting out. Some of their works have been premiered in TV, stage and movies on a regular basis.

Specializing in Medieval, Goth , Stage Film, BDFSM and Practitioner.

Patchwork Merchant Mercenaries a Dept of, Ask For IT was started by artists and former military veterans, and sword fighters, representing over 100 artisans, one who made his living traveling from fair to festival vending medieval wares. The majority of his customers are re-enactors, SCAdians and the like, looking to build their kit with period clothing, feast gear, adornments, etc.

Likewise, it is typical for these history-lovers to peruse the tent (aka mobile store front) and, upon finding something that pleases the eye, ask "Is this period?"

A deceitful query!! This is not a yes or no question. One must have a damn good understanding of European history (at least) from the fall of Rome to the mid-1600's to properly answer. Taking into account, also, the culture in which the querent is dressed is vitally important. You see, though it may be well within medieval period, it would be strange to see a Viking wearing a Caftan...or is it?

After a festival's time of answering weighty questions such as these, I'd sleep like a log! Only a mad man could possibly remember the place and time for each piece of kitchen ware, weaponry, cloth, and chain within a span of 1,000 years!! Surely there must be an easier way, a place where he could post all this knowledge...

Traveling Within The World is meant to be such a place. A place for all of these artists to keep in touch and directly interact with their fellow geeks and re-enactment hobbyists, their clientele.

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