Compiled By Paul W. Cashman and Other Rennies

Last Revised November 10th, 2004

You just might be a Rennie if.....

  1. ...your boots cost more than your car
  2. ...your gun-rack holds swords
  3. ...where your hair ends -- your tail begins!
  4. ...your boyfriend's skirt is shorter than yours
  5. ...your boyfriend wears tights...and you don't shave your legs
  6. play poker with Tarot cards
  7.'ve ever had to list your occupation as "juggler"
  8. ...a codpiece is not something you scarfed down for dinner
  9. dont understand why EVERY liquor store doesn't sell mead
  10. can change out of full Elizabethan garb...while driving!
  11.'ve had to bathe in the sink at a convenience store, a Wal-Mart, a gas station, etc.
  12. know what "beer-thirty" is
  13. ...on Sundays, you laugh at all the people waiting in line for beer -before- beer-thirty
  14. ...the thought of eating turkey legs scares the hell out of you
  15. ...YOU know -why- the thought of eating turkey legs should scare the hell out of ANYONE
  16. ...your breasts are used as a wallet or a change purse (you're probably a wench, too, if you answer "yes" to this one)
  17. hear the Tortuga Twins are coming to town and you hide any female children you have or, contrariwise....
  18. have at least three escape plans should your parents choose to come between you and the Tortuga Twins...or any other quality role models
  19. know more than five people with names like Bear or Wolf or Tree or Fish or Slayer or Nova or....
  20. ...your make-up kit consists of tooth-black...and some mud
  21. ...more people know you by your Faire name than the name on your driver's license
  22. ...if your Faire name eventually got PUT on your drivers license, there is no "might", you ARE a Rennie
  23.'ve ever had to delay putting gas in your car because you forgot to stop at that "cool" gas station by the Faire-site and, damnit, you're still in garb!
  24.'ve ever had to list "Olde English" as a second language
  25. ...your kids recognize Arthur and Merlyn before they recognize the Cat In the Hat
  26. ...your wedding party contains knights, monks, ladies in waiting, and guardsmen instead of groomsmen
  27. drive more than two hundred miles to go to the Faire
  28. ...when talking to friends your conversations often start with "And this one time, at the faire...."
  29. have enough edged weaponry in your house to make even your brother drool
  30. have corrected your history teacher more than once in the day's class...and she's turning this funny shade of red
  31. constantly check your favorite faire's webcam, just to see what the weather is looking like there, even if its the middle of the week (and yes, TRF does have such a webcam)
  32. ...your divorce decree lists the Ren Faire as settlement property (mind you, it'd be kinda cool to -own- a Faire.....)
  33. own more garb than street clothes
  34.'ve ever had to describe the place you've been living as "The blue tent/RV/camper/car at the end of the second row, by the privies and the shower"
  35. can watch period movies and pick out all the social and costume screw-ups ("That's not English! It's Prussian!")
  36.'ve ever been properly wenched or rougued
  37. have to get OUT of character
  38. start wearing garb two weeks before the faire to "get in the mood"
  39. know why purple is the "forbidden color"
  40. wear garb year 'round
  41. know of more faire musicians and musical groups than modern ones
  42. drop your chocolate-covered cheesecake-on-a-stick in the dirt...and eat it anyway
  43. know what Faire boogers are (known as "nose goblins" in certain areas)
  44. have more sharp steel on you than most restaurant kitchens
  45. have a homcidal urge when someone calls your garb "a cute costume"
  46. have tried to teach yourself to open a Guinness with a sword
  47. have SUCCEEDED in opening a Guiness with a sword
  48. can undo a bodice faster than you can tie a pair of sneakers
  49. beam with pride when you take your children to a ballgame and they yell "Huzzah!" when a home run is hit
  50. buy a new shirt at the mall and decide you want to wear it, and belatedly remember that you should use somewhere else besides the parking lot to change into it
  51. look at furniture and your first thought isn't "How will this look in my house," but "Wow! That fabric would be great as a bodice or doublet!"
  52.'re at a bar, the band is taking requests and they don't know Wild Mountain Thyme or The Mermaid Song...and look at you strangely for asking
  53. spend more on garb then you do your work attire
  54. (Wait a minute, your garb IS your work-attire! Next!)
  55. go shopping for 'danes and find more things to either wear around your belt, or blouses that will double as chemises
  56. buy a camera bag for your digital camera that matches your garb and has a belt loop (NOTE: this is -not- easy)
  57.'ve done live steel in Parking Lot Two (for older NYRF Rennies)
  58. still say "Thank thee" and "Anon" six months after Faire-closing
  59. (The following were submitted by Stacey Baker, aka "Justine Credible," from Bristol Faire)
    • know five spellings for Kock, Kooke, Coke, Cooke, Kocke and pronounce them all the same
    • call your bathroom at home a "pryvie"
    • know the best herbal ways to ward off mosquitos, bees, heat...etc and all of them come from Kamala
    • go to an office party and bring your own Cider
    • spend your summer sleeping with a 2x4 no more than six inches from your head (anyone on cast who has "housing")
    • crave Cashew Chili in the middle of winter and know you can only get it at the "Duck" (Bristol Cast members know why)
    • realize you own more stockings and tights then socks
    • wear your "faire" shoes for your orchestra concert and never notice that they're still covered in "faire dirt."
    • carry your cello, violin, or other instruments in brocade or felted bags.
    • can name five uses for a quiver...other than carrying arrows
    • ...on New Years Eve you sing Aulde Lang Syne with a slightly off tune
    • ...when on a road trip with your family you sing Faire tunes, instead of the standard "road tunes" and your "take-along-a-friend" guest looks completely mystified.
    • teach all your friends at school the words to the Mermaid Song, Parting Glass, Nonesuch and Spanish Ladies.
    • sang along to Spanish Ladies in the theater while watching Pirates of the Caribbean, with all your faire friends singing along next to you...which immediately got you all thrown out!!!
    • go to the club and know more Elizabethan dance steps than modern ones.
    • use your faire name as your online persona
  60. have something good to add to a "You Might Be A Rennie If..." list :)
  61. Your addition could go here -- e-mail me with your suggestions!

  • Lady Eionah Dannagher
  • Cara O'Neil (aka Michala Walpole Meckley)
  • Delilah (a KCRF wench)
  • Admiral DeSuave Alimara Cristo aka The Rampant Wolverine (NYRF)
  • Stacey Baker (aka Justine Credible) from Bristol Faire
  • and others....

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Patchwork Merchant Mercenaries had its humble beginnings as an idea of a few artisans and craftsmen who enjoy performing with live steel fighting. As well as a patchwork quilt tent canvas. Most had prior military experience hence the name.


Patchwork Merchant Mercenaries.


Vendertainers that brought many things to a show and are know for helping out where ever they can.

As well as being a place where the older hand made items could be found made by them and enjoyed by all.

We expanded over the years to become well known at what we do. Now we represent over 100 artisans and craftsman that are well known in their venues and some just starting out. Some of their works have been premiered in TV, stage and movies on a regular basis.

Specializing in Medieval, Goth , Stage Film, BDFSM and Practitioner.

Patchwork Merchant Mercenaries a Dept of, Ask For IT was started by artists and former military veterans, and sword fighters, representing over 100 artisans, one who made his living traveling from fair to festival vending medieval wares. The majority of his customers are re-enactors, SCAdians and the like, looking to build their kit with period clothing, feast gear, adornments, etc.

Likewise, it is typical for these history-lovers to peruse the tent (aka mobile store front) and, upon finding something that pleases the eye, ask "Is this period?"

A deceitful query!! This is not a yes or no question. One must have a damn good understanding of European history (at least) from the fall of Rome to the mid-1600's to properly answer. Taking into account, also, the culture in which the querent is dressed is vitally important. You see, though it may be well within medieval period, it would be strange to see a Viking wearing a Caftan...or is it?

After a festival's time of answering weighty questions such as these, I'd sleep like a log! Only a mad man could possibly remember the place and time for each piece of kitchen ware, weaponry, cloth, and chain within a span of 1,000 years!! Surely there must be an easier way, a place where he could post all this knowledge...

Traveling Within The World is meant to be such a place. A place for all of these artists to keep in touch and directly interact with their fellow geeks and re-enactment hobbyists, their clientele.

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