A. Most SM clubs and private parties are composed of at least two spaces - one for eating and socializing and another for play. Make a note of which is which when you enter the space and try to respect these boundaries. There are reasons for them.
Each scene also has a boundary. Be aware. Just as individuals need their "space," a scene needs its space. A couple from New York grew so tired of having their space invaded by wankers, they began bringing police tape and barricades to delineate the area in which no one else should enter. It stopped the problem.
Watching is a great way to learn and part of the excitement for many people who play in public, but give players the space they need to do their scene. If the Top has long arms and a long whip, he'll need to stand further away from his bottom. On the other hand, if a Domme is bending closely to the breast of her sub to do a cutting, she should not have to worry about someone bumping into her arm as she draws the blade down the skin.
Pay attention when walking through a space full of scenes too. Each implement we use requires a certain amount of space for the extension and follow through. Don't walk into the arch of a whip. If you do and get hit, it's your own fault. You just walked through a scene. Even if you don't accidentally get hit, you may get a thwack from the angry Top whose scene you just invaded.
You may be the world's leading authority on some SM game, but unless you are the DM or your opinion has been sought, keep it to yourself while observing a scene. Stopping a scene to give a lesson not only unnerves the top (not to mention embarrassing him/her) but also destroys the headspace of both partners in the scene. If you see something you consider dangerous, go tell the DM. If you can offer constructive criticism to someone who wants it, do so after the scene - in private.
Most SM clubs and private parties have rules regarding what is and what is not allowed. These can be as simple as "No penetration" to a list which goes on for ever. Make yourself aware of the rules before you start to play. If your not sure, ask the DM or host.
Smoke only in designated areas.
Many places/individuals designate certain play which cannot be done for legal reasons. Often these can involve full nudity, penetration, needle play and fire play. Many people prefer that any type of sexual intercourse be conducted in private rooms rather in the main dungeon space. Follow these guidelines if you want to be asked to the next party.
Be responsible. Illegal drugs may cause the owner of an establishment to be shut down or a homeowner to be arrested. Don't bring them. Don't knowingly violate any laws which may impact others in the same space. If alcohol is not allowed, play without it. If you can't play without a drink, you have a serious problem and should not be playing anyhow.
The main reasons that parties are usually divided into socializing space and play space is noise. Conversations are meant to be held in the socializing room - not in a loud voice 2 feet from intense SM play.
Laughter can be devastating to a nervous sub. S/he may feel humiliated because you are laughing at her/him even if you are responding to a joke someone just told. Or a sub may be deep into headspace and sailing though a difficult pain scene, but your obnoxious loud laughter and conversation may pull her/him out of it an into dangerous territory.
We all make occasional mistakes in this category - even the most seasoned players. If you must talk and greet others in the dungeon, do it quietly. If asked to "take it upstairs" apologize and do so quickly.
Another problem can be the loud bottom - one who makes an inordinate amount of noise while playing. This can be very disconcerting to other players, not to mention the nosy neighbors. There is one sub in our group who screams like a maniac when she is playing. I've gotten to the point where I just won't start a scene if I come into the dungeon and she's playing. If you know you can't be reasonably quiet in a scene, let your partner know that. If you're the Top, bring a gag and use it if it becomes necessary.
B. Reaching, Touching and Interfering - the big three.
At one of my first public parties, I was involved in a scene with 3 other bottoms and 4 tops. Everything was fine, until I opened my eyes and saw someone I didn't know with his hand on my nipple. I freaked. Needless to say, the scene was stopped and the offender asked to leave, but it taught me a lesson I cherish now that I almost exclusively dom. I must patrol my scene because there will always be people who feel they have a right to reach in and touch someone.
A scene most often consists of two players , though occasionally may involve multiple people on both sides of the equation. Those people are playing together because they chose to play with each other. You can watch, but do not dare reach in and touch or join unless you have been asked by the Top in charge. I trust it is not necessary to say this applies to one on one scenes as well. BDSM as we play it is CONSENSUAL. If you and I have not agreed to a scene, then don't try to get into one I am having with someone else. You will suffer the consequences which could be as simple as being asked to leave or as severe as being smashed in the face with a fist.
Not only our bodies deserve the respect to be touched only with consent, but so too our belongings and clothes. If you touch my leathers while I'm wearing them, you are touching me as well. In legal terms, touching my jacket is as much a battery as slapping me in the face.
It may be socially acceptable to see a new golf club your best friend just purchased and grab it for a couple swings, but you wouldn't do that to a stranger's equipment. The implements of SM are very personal. Never feel free to pick up someone else's toy to try it without permission. Most people will be gracious if asked. Give them the chance.
I cannot say this enough. Unless it is the pre-accepted theme of an event, not every sub there must be respectful and submissive to every dominant in the place. Just because she may be kneeling on the floor naked and collared, you have no right to touch without permission.
Naturally, the same holds true for subs. Not every dominant in the room wants or must play with you - or even be polite to you if you do not deserve it.
There are certain accepted conventions in every community. In ours, one doesn't approach an "owned" or even a "temporarily collared" sub and seek to play with him/her. The proper procedure is to approach the top first. Knowing who IS collared to whom and who won't or can't play with others without permission may be a bit of a problem because not all doms dress in fantasy costumes. Not all subs are collared. Be very careful how you approach someone if you are not sure. If you make a mistake, and a sub directs you to his/her dom, then explain your ignorance of the situation to the dom first, then make your request. Despite out growth in the last few years, we are a very small community. If you aren't sure about someone don't want to make a mistake, ask someone you know, or the DM or host. Hosts are the best bets usually since they invited people. When I'm approached in this situation, and it is appropriate, I offer to make an introduction.
Many singles attend SM parties, many newcomers who are desperate to be asked to play. Being in that situation can be difficult and too often leads to social blunders. Be aware, however, that experience does not equate with social graces. One will encounter more experienced players who also exhibit ill manners.
It takes a lot of nerve to make the first encounter, especially for newbies. Avoid the pitfalls previously discussed and skip the bad approaches.
When you are have steeled yourself for that first attempt, don't just walk up during a scene. Wait. And remember, a scene does not end just because the whip is put down and the top begins to release the bottom from bondage. Give them time to unwind together, to cuddle or regain composure. Then make your move.
Most humans love to have their egos stroked, so use that to your advantage. Instead of begging, "Beat me, Mistress," go for the compliment. Try something like, "I love your sensual play style," or You were fantastic - the way you had her begging." A compliment may get a conversation started.
Another good ploy is admiring toys. As you will recall, if you want to keep your hand, don't just reach out and grab an implement. After the scene, compliment the owner and ask to examine it. As the conversation develops add, "I've never felt anything like this before," or "I'd love to feel it." More often than not, a friendly top will give you that opportunity. When people admire my toys this way, I often make the offer to let them feel it myself - I've made a lot of new friends and play partners that way.
In addition to being polite to individuals at a party, there are some general guidelines that are simply good behavior.
Don't Bogart that sling! There are never enough play stations for everyone to play at the same time. Be considerate. Don't hog one piece all night. If it is really crowded at a BR event, we ask you to limit your scene to 30 minutes. Even if the rules don't set a time limit, do so yourself. You'll gain favor with those waiting in line for the space you've been using.
Leave the space as you found it. A lot of scenes are messy. If you will be doing wax or blood, be sure to put down a drop cloth or cover the equipment with towels or blankets so wax or blood doesn't go everywhere.
Remember also, BDSM is a physical activity. People sweat and sweat is a bodily fluid. So is cum and women's natural lube. Wipe off the equipment after you've finished your scene. Often there will be alcohol or some other fluid and paper towels available for this purpose. If not ask the host or DM. It will be appreciated.
Pick up your toys and get them out of the way.
Be a good guest. When you are invited to a private party, there are certain things you can do to insure you will be asked to attend future events.
Offers of help are always welcome, but if you offer then be prepared to help. Show up when asked, and actually do what is asked. Too often there are bodies who should be preparing the party standing around chatting instead. This is not helpful to your host.
Don't show up early unless the host asks you to do so. We all have busy schedules and too much to do - especially on party day. I am lucky to be ready by 9:30 for a 9:00 o'clock party at my house. Usually I have a few subs lined up to be ready on time, but it is often a problem when guests start arriving too early. Too early is even a minute before the starting hour. Be fair to your hosts. Let them get a shower and change also. Not everyone has a sub or partner to meet and entertain the guests while s/he dresses.
Almost no one offers to help after a party - when it is often most needed. At a friend's house, those who make the offer almost always get a nice reward - the after party play for helpful guests.
And don't think only bottoms or subs should help. Tops and doms make just as much mess and need to be just as polite to their hosts. If you have a sub or slave to offer in your stead, great. But it is even better if you both pitch in.
Finally, people who throw private parties go to a lot of trouble and expense. Be sure to let them know you appreciate the privilege of attending. A few words of thanks before leaving will be remembered. If the host is in a scene when you are ready to leave, find the DM or a family member to pass along your thanks. Better still, the fine art of letter writing should be revived. Thank you notes are the best way to keep your name (and return address - hint, hint) in the mind of the host.
I prefer owning slaves. The primary difference for me is that there is less ongoing negotiation with slaves. With both I have them fill out the BDSM questionnaire. I require this for anyone who plays or works with me. (play versus work is a philosophy I'd be glad to expound upon another time) With both, I also maintain safewords. When I own a submissive, we chart their progress more thoroughly. We review their questionnaire more often. We update it and keep track of how they're coming along with things they've tried, how they now feel about activities, etc. We have extensive downtime where we speak as equals when I own a submissive. This includes feedback and thoughts about how a scene went, what we'd like to do differently in the future. I find that when I own submissives it's little pockets of BDSM and power exchange.
Owning slaves, for me, means that they have less input once the initial negotiations are done. I may or may not choose to allow them to have input as to where we go next. We renegotiate when I feel it's necessary, but it's much less often and more rare than with a submissive. We review our relationship a minimum of annually, on our collaring anniversary, where with a submissive I review a minimum of quarterly. I'm way too organized. When I own a slave I control their finances. Not so with a submissive. When I own a slave they get an allowance. They are required to invest a certain amount of money. They may not spend above a set limit without my approval on a single purchase, even on a credit card. Typically this is $50. They get a holiday stipend, and cannot spend over it for the holidays. I have had house slaves where I financially supported them. In this case, they are receiving their money directly from me. I have also had live in slaves where they held down a job, and we set up automatic deductions into savings plans, holiday clubs so the funds would be there at the appropriate time, etc. My financial control is negotiated up front, of course, but I have never owned a slave where it was not in place. My financial orders are always to increase the net worth of my slave, and I don't demand money from them in any way, shape, or form.
If I am the breadwinner, however, and they do not hold down a job, they are expected to work even more around the house to earn their keep. Slaves do more servitude in my ownership. Interestingly enough, I am also more likely to bestow sexual favors upon a slave versus a submissive. As I have access to their finances, so do they have access to my finances in case of emergency. When I own a slave, I will pay medical bills, emergency car tows, provide them with a car itself, and more. I expect a submissive to be financially self-sufficient. I have never owned a submissive that lived in my household. Only slaves have lived as a part of my extended family in my household. Slaves get included in family vacations. Often at no expense to them. Not so submissives.
For slaves I have had legal papers drawn up so that I can be considered "family" in the case of a medical emergency for a slave. Not so for a submissive. Of course, a slave doesn't grovel and scrape and bow 24 hours a day either. I would estimate that interactions with a slave, 80% of the time, appear equal to equal. However, at any moment I can exert my will on a slave and I expect no argument or even a squeak of protest. I wouldn't expect, for example, to silence a submissive if we were at a vanilla party. And yet, I do it to a slave. My key phrase in public for a slave is "behave." If I say that, no matter what's going on, they are to go silent. One of the greatest compliments I ever received for a former slave was from a vanilla friend. At a party this slave was telling a story that I felt was going in a direction the other party members would not appreciate. I said, very quietly, "behave," and changed the subject. My vanilla friend later told the story to others..."You'd have thought she cut his tongue right out of his head!"
Slaves are expected to take care of the house without compliment or notice. Just as I go to work without compliment or notice. I expect the house spotless, I expect it to be without concern when I walk in the door. Slaves take care of things like repairs without me getting involved. Example, if a window cracks (RL thing, it did) the slave will take the money out of the household fund and just get it fixed without getting me involved. I'm sure there's more, but writing this note has taken up most the morning as I putter about, and then come back and write some more so I'll close for now!
This checklist should be filled out by a Sub and provided to their Dom/Top before playing with them. This will provide a quick "head-start" to identifying limits, negotiating and finding common ground for play. Dominants may wish to work through the checklist, to get a better handle on their specific interests. Switches should go through the checklist twice; one persons Dom and Sub interests may be very different.
For each item, you need to provide two answers:
For experience, write YES or NO next to each item to indicate if you have ever DONE that activity. Mark N/A if it does not apply to your gender.
For willingness, indicate for each item how you feel about DOING that activity by rating it on a scale of NO or 0 to 5.
"?" means you don't understand what the item is attempting to describe.
NO means you will NOT do that item under any circumstances (a hard limit).
0 (zero) indicates you have utterly no desire to do that activity and don't like doing it (in fact, may loath it) and would ordinarily object to doing it, but you would permit the Dominant to do it if it they really wanted it. (sometimes called a "soft limit").
1 means you don't want to do or like to do this activity, but wouldn't object if it was asked of you.
2 means you are willing to do this activity, but it has no special appeal for you.
3 means you usually like doing this activity, at least on an irregular/ occasional basis.
4 means you like doing this activity, and would like to experience it on a regular basis.
5 means the activity is a wild turn-on for you, and you would like it as often as possible.
Mark with an asterisk (*) those items which you are willing to do only with your current sex partner(s), but not with casual play-partners.
Note any additional information or nuances which might be important for your Dom to know in the margin to the right. For example under diapers you might wish to distinguish between "wetting" and "soiling".
There is intentionally some overlap between categories. Unless otherwise stated, the Sub is the recipient/target of the activity.
Experience, Willingness Notes & Nuances
yes/no, NO or 0-5
Age play :
Anal sex :
Anal plugs (small) :
Anal plugs (large) :
Anal plug (public, under clothes):
Animal roles :
Arm & leg sleeves (armbinders) :
Auctioned for charity :
Ball stretching :
Bathroom use control :
Beating (soft) :
Beating (hard) :
Being serviced (sexual) :
Being bitten :
Breast/chest bondage :
Breath control :
Boot worship :
Bondage (light) :
Bondage (heavy) :
Bondage (multi-day) :
Bondage (public, under clothing) :
Breast whipping :
Brown showers (scat) :
Cages (locked inside of) :
Castration fantasy :
Cattle prod (electrical toy) :
Cells/Closets (locked inside of) :
Chamber-pot use :
Chastity belts :
Chores (domestic service) :
Cock rings/straps :
Cock worship :
Collars (worn in private) :
Collars (worn in public) :
Competitions (with other Subs) :
Corsets (wearing casually) :
Corsets (trained waist reduction):
Cuffs (leather) :
Cuffs (metal) :
Diapers (wearing) :
Diapers (wetting) :
Diapers (soiling) :
Double penetration :
Enemas (for cleansing) :
Enemas (retention/punishment) :
Enforced chastity :
Erotic dance (for audience) :
Examinations (physical) :
Exercise (forced/required) :
Exhibitionism (friends) :
Exhibitionism (strangers) :
Eye contact restrictions :
Face slapping :
Fantasy abandonment :
Fantasy rape :
Fantasy gang-rape :
Fear (being scared) :
Fisting (anal) :
Fisting (vaginal) :
Flame play :
Following orders :
Foot worship :
Forced bedwetting :
Forced dressing :
Forced eating :
Forced homosexuality :
Forced heterosexuality :
Forced masturbation :
Forced nudity (private) :
Forced nudity (around others) :
Forced servitude :
Forced smoking :
Full head hoods :
Gags (cloth) :
Gags (inflatable) :
Gags (phallic) :
Gags (rubber) :
Gags (tape) :
Gas masks :
Gates of Hell (male) :
Genital sex :
Given away to another Dom (temp) :
Given away to another Dom (perm) :
Golden showers :
Gun play :
Hairbrush spankings :
Hair pulling :
Hand jobs (giving) :
Hand jobs (receiving) :
Harems (serving w/other subs) :
Harnessing (leather) :
Harnessing (rope) :
Having food chosen for you :
Having clothing chosen for you :
Head (give fellatio/cunnilingus) :
Head (rcv fellatio/cunnilingus) :
High heel wearing :
High heel worship :
Homage with tongue (non-sexual) :
Hot oils (on genitals) :
Hot waxing :
Housework (doing) :
Human puppy dog :
Humiliation (private) :
Humiliation (public) :
Ice cubes :
Initiation rites :
Intricate (Japanese) rope bondage:
Knife play :
Leather clothing :
Leather restraints :
Lectures for misbehavior :
Licking (non-sexual) :
Lingerie (wearing) :
Manacles & Irons :
Manicures (giving) :
Massage (giving) :
Massage (receiving) :
Medical scenes :
Modeling for erotic photos :
Mouth bits :
Name change (for scene) :
Name change (legal, permanent) :
Nipple clamps :
Nipple rings (piercings) :
Nipple play/"torture" :
Nipple weights :
Oral/anal play (rimming) :
Over-the-knee spanking :
Orgasm denial :
Orgasm control :
Outdoor scenes :
Outdoor sex :
Pain (severe) :
Pain (mild) :
Persona training (in scene) :
Personality modification (RL) :
Phone sex (serving Dom) :
Phone sex (serving Dom's friends):
Phone sex (commercial provider) :
Piercing (temporary, play-pierce):
Piercing (permanent) :
Plastic surgery :
Prison scenes :
Prostitution (public pretense) :
Prostitution (actual) :
Pony slave :
Public exposure :
Punishment Scene :
Pussy/cock whipping :
Pussy worship :
Riding crops :
Riding the "horse" (crotch tort.):
Religious scenes :
Restrictive rules on behavior :
Rubber/latex clothing :
Rope body harness :
Saran wrapping :
Scratching - getting :
Scratching - giving :
Sensory deprivation :
Serving as art :
Serving as ashtray :
Serving as furniture :
Serving as a maid :
Serving as toilet (urine) :
Serving as toilet (feces) :
Serving as waitress/waiter :
Serving orally (sexual) :
Serving other doms (supervised) :
Serving other doms (unsupervised):
Sexual deprivation (short term) :
Sexual deprivation (long term) :
Shaving (body hair) :
Shaving (head hair) :
Sleep deprivation :
Slutty clothing (private) :
Slutty clothing (public) :
Spandex clothing :
Speech restrictions (when, what) :
Speculums (Anal) :
Speculums (vaginal) :
Spreader bars :
Standing in corner :
Straight jackets :
Strap-on-dildos (sucking on) :
Strap-on-dildos (penetrated by) :
Strap-on-dildos (wearing) :
Strapping (full body beating) :
Suspension (upright) :
Suspension (inverted) :
Suspension (horizontal) :
Supplying new partners for Dom :
Swallowing feces :
Swallowing semen :
Swallowing urine :
Swapping (with one other couple) :
Swinging (multiple couples) :
Tampon Training (in ass) :
TENS Unit (electrical toy) :
Thumbcuffs (metal) :
Triple penetration :
Urethral Sounds (metal rods) :
Including others :
Vaginal dildo :
Verbal humiliation :
Vibrator on genitals :
Violet Wand (electrical toy) :
Voyeurism (watching others) :
Voyeurism (your Dom w/others) :
Video (watching others) :
Video (recordings of you) :
Water torture :
Waxing (hair removal) :
Wearing symbolic jewelry :
Weight gain (forced) :
Weight loss (forced) :
Wooden paddles :
? Don't understand this item.
* I will do with current sex partner only.
NO I WILL NOT DO that item under ANY circumstances (a hard limit).
0 No desire, don't like, will permit if special to Dom (a soft limit).
1 Don't want to do, but will.
2 Willing to do, but has no special appeal.
3 Usually LIKE doing, on an irregular/ occasional basis.
4 LIKE doing, would like it on a regular basis.
5 WILD TURN-ON, would like it as often as possible.
I decided to write this article because I have seen so many submissives come into the lifestyle expecting everything to be dream-like and perfect. I don't wish to ruin anyone's dreams, or turn them from the activity, but what I wish to do is to explain how things really are. Being a slave can be, and is for me, a wonderful life. It's everything I wanted it to be. It is also more than I ever expected, and had someone explained the realities to me prior to my decision, it would have made my transition so much easier. For the purpose of this article, I am addressing issues related to being a 24/7 slave. These comments are from my viewpoint, which is that of a female slave with a male Master. By no means do I wish to exclude Domme's or male slaves. For them, I cannot comment from personal experience. This is just my view from a real-time experience.
First, there are a few things you need to discover for and about yourself. Do you wish to be in this type relationship 24/7? Perhaps you only wish to be in it during the scenes. Maybe you want to role-play at only during certain times. There are many ways this activity can be done, but you have to figure out what is right for you.
Second, you need to learn to be honest with yourself. Figure out what you will and will not do, and what is a "maybe". Search inside yourself for what you really want, and when you find it, be honest to anyone you talk to. Don't agree to something long-term that you know you will not be able accomplish. Ask yourself some hard questions. The rest of this article will give you aspects to contemplate so you can base your decisions on reality, and not someone else's dreams of how it should be.
Are you prepared to surrender 100% control of your life to someone else? 24/7 slaves do this. Role-playing would mean entering into this relationship only for the time agreed upon that the Master would have the total control. Once the scene is over, everything returns to normal.
Do you enjoy country music? Maybe you love Rock and Roll. Consider this. The Master who's collar you will eventually wear, may only like classical or another type of music that you don't enjoy. Are you prepared to give up those selections and only listen to His music? This type sacrifice can apply to many other things you currently enjoy. For myself, I love old love songs of any type, and my Master is into Hard Rock. Because of His preferences, I rarely get to listen to my songs. But, when I am a good girl, at times, He does permit me to listen to my choice of music, as long as I get my assigned tasks and chores done. Note, I said, "permitted to". Something as simple as listening to the radio is a reward for me. It is not a given that you will be permitted to enjoy even this little pleasure whenever you wish. These limitations can apply to many areas of your life such as TV, choices of food or friends, just about anywhere anything!
Is there a certain style of clothes you love? Certain colors and scents you wouldn't be caught without? If your Master doesn't approve of them, you may be wearing a totally different style with colors you never would have dreamed of. He may lay your clothes out for you every morning. Are you prepared to abide happily by His choices? If He asked you to wear something very skimpy to someplace simple like the grocery store, could you do this without hesitation? I am lucky in the fact that my Master lets me chose my own clothes most of the time. But at anytime, should He decide that He wants me to wear something else, I am to change immediately. Trust me, He does exercise this right. I have learned to always ask Him what He would like me to wear if we are going someplace special.
Are you prepared to change your hairstyle, length, or color to please your Master? All of these will belong to Him once you accept your collar as will everything else that once belonged to you. You will no longer own anything. From the time you take His collar, everything will be His. It will no longer be "your" car or "your" clothes, but "His", on loan to you as He sees fit. If He should so choose, you will not be permitted to wear clothes at all. This will be HIS choice, not yours. Remember, you will have given up all rights to make these choices for yourself.
You have a favorite chair, or a certain way you like to sit or walk? Your Master will decide whether you sit on furniture or on the floor. He will have the say if you are to cross your legs, or sit with them spread wide-open. You will have to ask permission to even climb into bed, or sit on a chair. Most slaves are allowed a cushion on the floor that they do not need permission to sit upon, but very little else. You will even need permission to eat at the table with your Master.
It's been a long hard day at work. You get home and want nothing more than to relax in a tub and go to bed early. Well, you won't be able to. Being tired, ill, or just in a bad mood does not excuse you from your required tasks. You are still required to do them: prepare His meal, and go to bed when HE tells you to. Retiring for bed usually occurs at a set time, even if you are not ready to go. There will not be an "I am too tired" or "I don't feel well": nothing of the kind. Unless your Master has excused you from your tasks and chores, you will remain responsible for making sure His needs and wants are filled: no matter what. It is your job to inform your Master of your physical health status. One of your main jobs will be to take care of and protect, His possessions. You being are the most prized one He owns. As long as you let your Master know how you are feeling, He will make sure that your tasks will be appropriate to your capabilities.
Many come into this lifestyle looking to be used sexually, to service their Master at His whim. They never consider other aspects. The main part of being a slave is to be of service to your Master, and not to be serviced for yourself. However, being readily available to Him at ALL times is also an unspoken expectation. The old excuse "not tonight dear, I have a headache" doesn't work in a D/s relationship. In order to provide Him pleasure, you must also express to Him the pleasure of the moment for you as well. NEVER make your Master feel this is a chore to you: something you would rather not do, but will only because you have to. If your Master tells you to do something, it will not be up to you to question Him. You will be required to respond with no questions asked. At a later time (if this is permitted in your relationship), you may ask Him for permission to speak on an equal level. If He gives permission, this will be your opportunity to ask your questions. However, it is important to ask in a way so as not to question His authority, but at the same time to satisfy your curiosity.
Do you feel being a slave is to be coerced: forced into servitude? Do you think you couldn't do this unless you were? Then think again. Slaves enter into this relationship of their own free will. This is not the day of forced slavery; it is a matter of choice. YOURS! You are the one who will decide to give over your power to your Master. You will be doing this, not because you are forced to obey, but because you need to. Yes, during the course of your relationship there will be times you will be forced to do something, but it will never be something that goes against who you are. Your Master may feel obeying this command will help you to grow into the best person you can be, or will help you break out of an inhibition you have.
How is your temper? Are you quick to fly off-of-the-handle when you are upset? Or are you laid back, accepting anything and everything, and then go off to sulk because your feelings were hurt? A Master does not wish to have a doormat for a slave nor does He desire to be told how things should be. Learning when and how to say things will become very important in your relationship. If you do not tell your Master when something is bothering you, then you have no right whatsoever to become upset. However wonderful and omnipotent He may seem, He is not a mind reader: unless you tell Him, He won't know. The key, as I said a moment ago, is in how you tell Him.
Your self-discipline is very important in this relationship. Do you tend to put things off until the last possible moment? You won't be able to do this when you are owned. There will be chores and tasks your Master will assign that He expects to be done in a timely fashion set by Him, not by you. Your Master's wants and needs will be put before your own. Self-discipline is similar to self-control. Your ability to follow complete assignments made by your Master will be very important. As a slave, you will need to be able to control your own actions well enough to be able to remain within the boundaries set for you by Him. If He says you can't do something, simply, you can't. Doing it anyway, and not telling Him doesn't make it right. In the case of a Master/slave relationship, what you don't know CAN hurt you, as well as the relationship you have worked so hard to build. Even a simple "white lie" can destroy the trust so necessary to really establish this type relationship.
As to wants and needs of your own: do you know the difference between the two? If not, I strongly recommend you figure them out before entering into servitude. Sometimes the two are hard to distinguish, but it will become important that you do so. Your Master will ensure all your "needs" are taken care of, but the "wants" will be His to allow or not, as He sees fit. Needs are the necessities of life that are required in order for us to remain mentally and physically healthy. They allow us to grow emotionally and spiritually. If you can survive without something, then it is a want. Wants are usually given as a reward for good behavior.
In order to be a slave, there will be many things you have to learn to accept within yourself and adapt to. Your primary purpose in life will be to see to your Masters pleasure (both mentally and physically) in any manner He should desire. In order to do this, you will have to learn your Master well. Find out what pleases and displeases Him. By this, I do not mean just sexually. You will learn that sex is but a small part of your relationship. Learn to anticipate His every need and desire without being pushy. Hi needs and desires will encompass intellectual stimulation, physical pleasure, emotional support, and many other things unique to Him. Remember - physical does not equal sexual. Physical pleasure may include, but is not limited to, touch, favorite foods, textures, clothing, and colors as examples. It will be your job to make sure His physical pleasures are met in everyway. Think of the five senses, and make His environment pleasing to all of them. Never forget - the most pleasing thing in His environment should be you.
As His slave, it will be up to you to figure out what pleases your Master. He should not have to ask constantly for the basic things - you should have learned them. If His glass is empty, quietly and unobtrusively refill it. Remember, you are doing this for His pleasure not your own. Just because He does not notice and praise you doesn't mean you are doing it wrong. Look at His smile. Is He comfortable? If He looks happy and content, then you have done well, and should bask in His content. Always remember that you do this for Him and not for your own satisfaction. Your happiness should come from serving Him and His being happy.